Driving In Circles

Looking back on the 5 years I was with the man who abused me; there were multiple times he stopped me from leaving by abusing me. Other times I left and went back to him on my own, yet I felt so stuck, like I had to be there. Today I started thinking about the time him and I got into a high-speed chase on the freeway No, we were not evading law enforcement; I was trying to get away from him. This happened roughly two years into our relationship, so at the time, I still had my own car to drive. Though, the car was in his name because my license were, and still are, suspended.

One day when I was at home and he was gone, I decided I am going to leave him. He was always taking all of the money I made, then leaving me at home alone, while he hung out with random girls and all his friends in the hood; spending all of the money. Enough is enough, he’s not ever going to change. I’m leaving him, I told myself. I was tired of getting treated poorly, put down, let down, abused and constantly lied to.

I was frustrated and began shaking; I just wanted to get out of our house before he came home. I hurried and grabbed a bunch of trash bags from the kitchen and started throwing all of my clothes, shoes and toilet tree items items into the bags. I hardly had any money on me, so I began going through our drawers, trying to find any loose change. Once I had all of my stuff together, I rushed to my car and packed everything inside.

I’m really done this time; I’m leaving him for good. I can’t take this anymore; I’m tired of playing the same games, I thought to myself. I was so frustrated, I could hardly think straight. I drove out of our driveway. Not knowing where to go or what to do, I decided to go to my friends house. I’ll be safe there; he won’t find me or hurt me, I told myself. Because he doesn’t know where my friend lives. Though, his cousin lived in the same apartment complex; it felt like the safest things to do at the time. When I arrived, my friend told me to park my car in the back of the parking lot, out of of sight from the main road. I stayed the night at my friends apartment that night. The next day I woke up, hung out with her for the morning, then got ready to leave.

It was the afternoon by the time I decided to leave my friends place. I pulled out of my friends apartment complex and made it to the Main Street. I was waiting at the stoplight, so I could get on the freeway that was a couple blocks away. As I was waiting at the stoplight, I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a pearl white Cadillac pulling up behind me. I immediately thought it was my abuser and I got scared. The Cadillac pulled up on the side of me and it was him, the man I was trying to hide from. He began yelling at me through his car window. Then he hit my right side mirror and broke it off of my car.

When the light turned green, I stepped on the gas to get away from him. My heart started pounding when I noticed that he was following behind me. I started racing up to get on to the freeway. I decided to go the opposite way on freeway the than I originally was going to go. Because o hoping I could lose him first before heading up to my families house. He came racing up behind me; I was so scared. I couldn’t let him catch me because if I did, I was going to get beat up, badly, again. Any time I tried to get off at a freeway exit, he’d follow behind me. So I didn’t get off at any exit and I stayed on the freeway; drove as fast I could, hoping to lose him.

There were a lot of other cars out and at one point I thought I lost my abuser because he wasn’t behind me anymore. I was going to get off the freeway, but I noticed him rushing in front of me. He then began blocking me and all the cars behind me off at any freeway exit I tried to get off at. There were a lot cars out and the traffic was backed up on the freeway; I was scared we were going to cause an accident. At this point, we have been driving for over 40 minutes and my car was getting low on gas.

I’d run out of gas if I kept driving like they; so I had to take a chance and make a move, fast. While he was still driving in front of me; watching my moves in the car, I decided to go a little past the freeway exit to make it seem like I wasn’t going to get off. At the next freeway exit, I quickly made an illegal, sharp right turn. I hit the gas as hard as I could and sped off. Luckily he couldn’t reverse and follow me because there was a lot of traffic.

My anxiety was so severe, I could hardly think straight. I drove on the back streets and made a loop to get back on the freeway going the opposite way, back towards my families house. It was such a relief that I got away from him and didn’t get physically abused. I was scared and stressed out; it’s a blur for me after this. Even though I won and got away that day, I ended up back with him again. I was driving in circles for him; he had me wrapped around his fingertips. This wasn’t the first or last time time I left my abuser and went back. One thing I know now is, I won’t ever go back to him again.

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