Dear Diary,

It’s 6 P.M. and I don’t know what to do with myself. Something told me to get up and write and if this doesn’t help, I can go back to sleep. I notice when I’m in a bad mood, thoughts of cigarettes, drugs or alcohol will pop into my head. I have wine in my pantry, but I’m not going to drink it. I could easily get a cigarette from someone in my family, but I’m not going to. And it wouldn’t be hard to call someone and get drugs, but I refuse to do that. Sleeping excessively isn’t going to solve my problems either So let’s see what happens while I write outside in my journal. I was laying down crying on my porch, planning to go back to sleep, but I heard a voice in my head say “get up and write. If writing doesn’t help, you can go back to sleep.” Writing is already helping, I’m not crying anymore. I have to be stronger than the evil forces, that’s how I claim my power back. Laying in bed crying all day would be letting the evil forces win. It may be 6 in the evening now, but it’s better late than never. Times an illusion anyway- it teaches us how precious each day is; the importance of getting things done and having order in our lives. Sometimes I feel like the last ten years of my life were a waste of time, but it wasn’t if I learned something. Being in an abusive relationship taught me how to love myself. Running the streets with so called friends, brought me closer to death multiple times- helping me realize the value of my life. Surrounding myself with fake people taught me to value true friendships. Prostituting helped me gain confidence- helping me realize I am beautiful because people paid just be in my presence. Inheriting 100 thousand dollars at age eighteen after my Grandpa passed away and losing it all taught me that: Not everyone in this world is nice, some people have ulterior motives and are only around to use you. Not having a single dollar to my name taught me the value of every dollar. Running away from all of my problems showed me I’ll still have to face them one day. I can’t run forever… Well, I could, but it would slowly eat me alive. Being miserable, making money prostituting made me realize how important it is to find a job I love. When I was blacked out drunk or high on drugs, I didn’t learn a thing because I hardly remember anything. All I learned from that is: “Don’t do drugs” and “don’t drink your life away.” Being numb didn’t take the problems away, all it did was cause more problems and prolong the healing process. Hey, I guess I learned something… Ten years later… It took long enough, but better late than never. I can’t beat myself up for it, all I can do is be a better person than I was yesterday. Losing my Father when I was sixteen years old, showed me how important it is to cherish the ones you love. And to watch your words. I told my Dad “I wish you were dead” in the heat of an argument and few days later, I found him dead. Losing my Grandfather taught me how important it is to spend time with the ones dear to your Heart. Not answering my Grandpa’s call the day before he passed, but listening to his voicemail: “Sasha, I just wanted to call you and tell you that I love you,” showed me how important it is to tell people you love them. And what I’ve realized about time is… It stops for no one. The only thing stopping time is you, if you choose to. I could stop right now and give up, but what is giving up going to accomplish? Nothing. What is laying in bed sleeping all day going to do? Nothing. The world is still going to turn and the Light will continue shining. Although the universe will be a better place with you shining in it. Sometimes it feels like nobody cares and life can be so unfair. But lets play a game of truth or dare. I dare you to be yourself and lets see what happens. Be 100% your authentic self and lets see how the world looks then. Let me know how you feel then. Everything will get better. Everything will be okay. Choose to be strong today and always. There is so much more to you than yesterday.

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