Let’s go back to March 2017, when I left my abusive boyfriend pimp John for good:
I’ve been hiding all week in motel rooms. I don’t want to work, but I can’t go home to my family- John will come up there. This is as close to home as I can get, while still trying to make a little bit of money for my rooms. I’m scared to work though… John’s already tried to set me up. Not only that, the cops have been trying to set up dates with me. I have to be careful. I am on my last year of felony probation and I can’t get caught. The last thing I need is a strike on my record. It’s bad enough I am doing a total of five years of felony probation for something I didn’t do. I can’t believe I took a case for my ex Moe. I could go to the Bay Area and work, that’s where I’m usually at. I have so many regular clients out there. The Bay Area is my trap spot. I’m just so sick of working and always being gone, so I’ll just stay here where I‘m at. I’ve been smoking meth every day and it’s making me more paranoid than I already am. It’s bringing out my anxiety like crazy, I’ve been shaking and throwing up… But I’m going to keep smoking because I don’t want to feel. I’m so sad. I don’t know what to do. I love John and miss him so much. He’s been calling me telling me he loves me and misses me. He’s asking me to come back home and keeps promising that it will be different this time around. I want to believe him, I really do, but I’ve heard this all before… Countless times. I’m not falling for it anymore. He always starts being nice to me every time I leave him. Then when I go back to him, he starts treating me bad again. I’m done with the games. I’m not falling for it anymore. John won’t stop calling me; I’m just going to ignore his calls from now on. Every time I talk to him, I feel even worse. This isn’t right and he’s not right for me. His words are fake; he’s full of shit. You know what, I’ll just answer and cuss him out. “Fuck you, you piece of shit. I’m done with you!” I hardly have any money left. I can’t believe it’s already been a week in this motel room. I don’t want to work, I need a vacation. Good thing I have a trip planned to Southern California tomorrow. I love So-Cal… My regular bought me a plane ticket. He’s going to pay for the hotel room for the weekend. A paid vacation, I’m excited… Just what I needed! One more day and I am out of here.
My favorite regular contacted me today and asked if I can go down to the Bay Area and rent a hotel room, then he’ll pay me back. I am going to go down there and get a room to see him, then just come back afterwards. That way I can make it to the airport in the morning on time. I rented the room and we hung out for two hours. He gave me $1,000.
Well, maybe I’ll just stay here since I already paid for this room in the Bay Area. How will I make it to the airport in time tomorrow morning? Ugh… John keeps calling me, let ma answer. I can’t believe I told him where I am at, now he’s on his way to my hotel. “Fuck you! Don’t come! You better not come out here!” I screamed to John over the telephone. “Too late, I’m already on my way,” John said to me. It’s been two hours and John won’t stop calling my phone. I guess I’ll answer… “I’m here,” John said when I finally answered his call. “Fuck you, go away!” I told him, then hung up. My heart is racing. My hands are shaking. He’s parked outside in the parking lot. He needs to leave. I’ll just answer his call again because he won’t stop calling. “Quit playing bruh, come outside. I just drove all the way down here,” John said. I’m going go out there and get in the car with him, but I’ll show him. I’ll go back to the house for the night and get my clothes. And I will be close to the airport and will make my flight easily in the morning. It’d be too hard getting to the airport in time from where I’m at. I will save money and won’t have to buy a hotel room by the airport now. I’m excited because I’ll get to see my dog. I miss my dog so much. After today, I’ll leave his ass again by tomorrow. Fuck him, I’m so done with him. I walked down to the hotel parking lot, got into the car and John drove off. John asked for the money I had and I handed it to him. I thought he missed me and he’s already asking for money.
This doesn’t feel right….On the way back to the place I once called home, we stopped to get food. John drove to a hole-in-the-wall spot in the ghetto. We went inside and he paod for the food. We sat and ate our food inside the small building. Well, at least he took me out to eat for a change. I’ve been begging to go out to eat or go do something for so long. At least this is a start… The whole ride home, John blasted music, we didn’t talk much.
My dog greeted me with a huge smile and jumped on me as soon as I opened the door to the house. It feels so good to be home.
“I’m going to So-Cal on a paid vacation tomorrow,” I told John. “You’re going to go hang out with a trick? You’re a dumb bitch,” Shawn said to me. I’ve been begging John to go do something fun for all these years, but he never let me do anything. I need a break. Fuck him, I’m going! I can always work while I’m out there too. That night we had sex and went to sleep next to each other. I woke up the next morning, feeling a sense of peace, while laying alone in the bed. John was away at work. He started working at a new job about 6 months previous.
It feels good to be home. John doesn’t want me going on my paid vacation, so I’ll just stay home. It’s Friday- it’s better to go out of town on the week days to work anyways. John’s calling, let me answer the telephone….
“You still haven’t left yet?” John questioned. “You told me not to go to So-Cal,” I replied. “Well you can still go work bitch. You better leave you dumb bitch,” John said to me. “I’m staying here,” I replied. “Watch when I get home, I’m going to beat your ass bruh!” John said. “Fine, I’ll go,” I insisted. I went to the garage to grab my purse out of one of John’s cars. I searched the car and couldn’t find my purse. So I called John: “My purse is missing, so I don’t have my I.D,” I said to him. “Well figure something out bitch, ask one of your tricks to rent you a room,” John replied. “No, I’m staying here!” I said. “If you’re not gone when I get back, watch what happens bitch,” John angrily said to me. I went back upstairs to lay back in bed. I’m tired… Noises dowstairs- front door opens and closes– John’s Mother, Rebecca, came barging into the room. “Sasha, you have to go. Get out of this house!” She screamed at me. Rebecca I began arguing back and forth. This isn’t even Rebeca’s house- I can’t believe she came here to tell me to leave. Well, they want me to leave… Then I will leave! I went through drawers, looking for any loose change After some searching, I found some coins and two dollar bills. I began packing up my clothes.
Now the roommate, Bill, wants to stop me from leaving. He won’t let me upstairs to pack my clothes. I’m calling my family friend Sam, so he can come get me and help me. Bill left to the store to buy me cigarettes. Sam arrived an hour later. Now Rebecca wants to yell at me because Sam is at the door. After a lot of arguing with Bill, Sam successfully helped me grab my clothes. “I thought you said you’d pay me back for all the money I gave your son? All those times I left him and you screamed at me to give John the money,” I questioned Rebecca. “I will baby girl. Tell Sam to go. We can go to the bank and I can take you come,” Rebecca replied. I‘m not falling for Rebecca’s lies.John is calling my phone again so I answered his call… “Ima’ beat yo’ ass when I see you. Tell Sam ima’ beat his ass too. Watch when I see you bitch. Ima’ beat both ya’ll asses bruh!” John screamed at me over the phone. Sam helped me carry my clothes to his car. My dog ran out the door with me and hopped into the passenger seat of Bill’s car. I really wish I could take my dog, I love him so much. “You have to get out, I’m sorry,” I sadly told my dog. It will only cause more problems. I got my dog out of the car and made sure he went back in the house. Then Bill and I drove off.